Funny Jokes Of The Day

Bar Joke
Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar. I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art. He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!” “No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!“

Beer Joke
If I ever go missing, you should put my picture on beer rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster.

President Joke
I heard the Secret Service had to change their commands. They can't say "Get down!" anymore when the President is under attack. Now it's "Donald! Duck!"

Chicken Joke
I read the mass chicken farms pump chickens full of antibiotics. Well, that would at least explain why chicken soup is so good when you have a cold.

Mosquito Joke
Today, I found a mosquito, I sat right next to it and kept on buzzing so he would see what it’s like, not being able to sleep!

Astronaut Joke
“I want to be an astronaut!” - “I thought they didn’t send monkeys to space anymore?” - “Exactly, so no chance of a visit from you then!”

Training Joke
I did a self-defense course. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion now.

Illiterate Joke
They say you can’t get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon!

Diet Joke
What can I eat in the evening in front of the TV that wouldn’t make me fat? - Your fingernails.

Life Joke
Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years? Do you smoke? No. Do you eat too much? No. Do you go to bed late? No. Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? No. Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?

College Joke
A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning. The surprised girl said, “What was that?” The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!” The girl slapped him soundly. “What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek. “Customer feedback.”

Stalking Joke
I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she's been googling my name last night on her computer. I saw it clearly through my binoculars.

Salesman Joke
I was the best door-to-door security alarms salesmen for many years running. The trick was to just leave a brochure on the kitchen table if there was nobody home.

Father Joke
An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

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